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1. |
Lamenting Modesto
02:45
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Modesto Lingerfelter is a fella who would sell you half a lump of squidgy black half price, just to see you smile (for a while)
Lulling you into a false security sense, that's when the cheap hash merchant demands another ten
'I already paid for this hash'
'Well then buddy, where's your receipt?'
He was in my Leaving Cert art class
Every Monday sat down the back and asked to see Mr. Avery or the school guidance counsellor if she's not busy
He says he had a whack at her big fat tits
It's a myth, of course, but young boys believe this
The following scene takes place in the office of administration on a Monday morning
Guidance Councellor and Gossip Queen
was told by Modesto that I fingered a sixteen year-old
inside the premises of the property
failed at fingering properly
while staying on the floppy
In addition to this, he embellished a bit more
Ignoring the clit and going straight for the hole
He says I whacked a couple fists inside hoping to control her whole body so that everyone would think I'm a girl
According to tale I got my head in the female's orifice
Refusing to quit until conquering all of it
Worming my torso fanatically
Legs still limply dangling
Thrashing and mangling
Finally managing to fit my entire body inside her vagina
Guidance Councellor told everyone this
Nicknamed me 'The Human Penis'
They said my crimes were heinous
I confront the menace and I express distress
in a rational manner
This is often the best solution to solving a problem as a sensible adult
He's a reasonable man and admits his guilt
He apologises promising nothing but goodwill
Invites me to his house, yet remorseful still
Tells tales of a teleportation device he recently built
He offers teleportation as an apology
A fool am I, yes I oblige
I take off my shoes and step into the teleportation device
Lo and behold, I transport through the air
to a rooftop in Bangkok
I'm really there
Modesto! How did you do it?!
Further research I did that night
brings facts to light I can't deny
In this machine, the original me dies
and a carbon copy is brought to life
in a different location
with the exact same memories in my brain
but essentially each time I teleport I die
and a new me is replicated
You got me again, Modesto
You crafty bastard
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2. |
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I've got a famous namesake
The same name as a fictional man in a widely acclaimed TV show
I've a reletively famous namesake
The same name as a character played by a handsome American actor
I've got a newfound fame now
Certain fans of the hit TV show have started adding me on Facebook
I've a reletively newfound fame now
I've been thinking of unique ways which I can use this to my benefit somehow
Message from Matilda saying: "Hey, how are ya doin'?
I'm a big fan of your acting
Are you working on a movie?"
From the moment that she sent it to the time of my reply
I was thinking of excuses not to use this to my advantage
"Who's dis?" is what I answered
"Your fan, Matilda"
I felt so famous
I acted grateful
Two months later my inbox overflows with a thousand goodbyes
It appears they killed my namesake in the finale of season 5
I felt so famous
I acted grateful
I had a taste now I'll kill for a mouthful
I run a fake celebrity facebook page now
Of a certain celebrity
Famous mainly in the 80's
His fans are gullible, none of them skeptical
They should be skeptical
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3. |
Footage of a Memory
03:15
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THE ACHE OF EXISTENCE IS A LUXURY TO THOSE WHO THINK TOO MUCH
TOO MUCH TO THINK IS TO BE THE CURSED
WHY CAN'T MY CONSCIOUSNESS RESIDE AS A RADIO BROADCAST FORMAT?
SURELY BY NOW SOMEBODY MUST HAVE ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT
I WANNA BE FOOTAGE OF A MEMORY
THE ACHE OF EXISTENCE IS DULL AND PERSISTENT
A LONESOME RELENTLESS HISS
MY CONSCIOUSNESS IS STATIC NOISE
I THINK I'LL TUNE IT TO A STATION
I LOOKED FOR PLACES WHERE I FELT LIKE I COULD BELONG
I'LL LOOK FOR REASONS TO GO BACK AND TRY AGAIN
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4. |
Know You Better
04:14
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THE DEVIL HAS LEFT THE DETAIL, SON
ELVIS MAKES HELL FOR CONSPIRATOR CUNTS
SHADOWY TATTOO OF AN EVIL EYE ON
AN I.T. EXPERT'S INNER THIGH
THE TOTALITARIAN'S GOT YOUR TONGUE
WHILE THE WILE E. COYOTE'S ON HIS WEEKLY RUN
SYLVESTER'S OUT THE BAG BUT THE BOX UNTOUCHED
THINK TWICE BIG BROTHER
THINK TWICE AGAIN
SIT DOWN. SHUT UP. WIDE EYES. BIG FROWN.
WHITE LIES. NOT NOW. FAT CATS. BIG DICKS.
SPEAK OUT. BLACKLIST. FUCK THIS. TOUGH LUCK.
BUST NUTS ALL OVER THE LAPTOP.
LIE DOWN. SHUT UP. CLOSED EYES. WE WON.
I'M WISE. NUH-UH. NO PHONE. WHAT'S THIS?
HA HA! STIFF LIPS. BIG CHEESE: SUCK THIS.
HEY BUDDY, I WANNA KNOW YOU
BETTER THAN YOUR BEST FRIEND
I'LL CORRECT YOUR SENTENCES FOR YOU
HEY BUDDY, I WANNA SEE YOU
CLEARER THAN YOUR WEBCAM
I'LL DELETE YOUR HISTORY FOR YOU
HEY BUDDY, I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU
THAN YOUR GIRLFRIEND CAN EVER POSSIBLY WANT TO
I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO BUY ONLINE
VOLUNTARILY SHARING ALL YOUR INFORMATION
WITH BRIGHT BLUE TWO-FACED CORPORATION
COMPLAIN WHEN SOLD AWAY TO RICH ASAINS FOR MONEY
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS IS WORTH MONEY
INNOVATIVE THIEVES BANG QWERTY KEYS
JUST ACROSS THE STREET OR ACROSS THE SEA
WAITING FOR THE HERALD OF A PAID VACATION
TO PASS BY YOUR GAFF TO SMASH THE PATIO PANES IN
TELL YOUR FRIEND OF A FRIEND OF A FRIEND
THAT YOUR BABY WAS BORN AT 21:45
DIRECTLY FOLLOWED BY INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES
AND A FUNNY DOG WHO GETS BOOPED ON THE NOSE
KOREA SPIES WITH MECHANICAL EYES
KIM SEES YOU ANALYSE THE CABLE GUY
ON ONE OF YOUR MATES OLD VHS TAPES
IT JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT NO ONE'S SAFE
HEY BUDDY,
I WANNA KNOW YOU
BETTER THAN YOUR BEST FRIEND
I'LL CORRECT YOUR SENTENCES FOR YOU
HEY BUDDY, I WANNA SEE YOU
CLEARER THAN YOUR WEBCAM
I'LL DELETE YOUR HISTORY FOR YOU
HEY BUDDY, I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU
THAN YOUR GIRLFRIEND CAN EVER POSSIBLY WANT TO
I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO BUY ONLINE
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5. |
Becoming a Frequency
02:05
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I'm a radio-play tragedy
The re-run was comedy
I'm a radio-play comedy
The re-run was tragedy
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
Always on repeat
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6. |
The Nine O'Clock News
03:51
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BENJAMIN YET WILL NEVER FORGET
HIS GRANDFATHER TEACHING HIM HOW TO
REALLY HOLD A CONVERSATION
WITHOUT FORCING IT AT ALL
HE LOVES THE LITTLE PIECES OF DUSTY BITS
AT THE END OF A BOX OF CEREAL
HE LOVES IT WHEN HE'S PICKING UP
A PACKET OF SWEETS IN TESCO
AND THE GUY JUST STACKED A FOUR PACK
HE'LL GO TO WORK ONE DAY
BENJAMIN YET WAS A RECLUSIVE KID
DIDN'T TEND TO GET MAD
ALTHOUGH HE PUNCHED HIS DAD IN THE DICK ONE DAY
BECAUSE HE WASN'T ALLOWED PLAY GAMEBOY
AFTER HALF 7
BENJAMIN YET WAS TAUGHT FROM AN AWFULLY YOUNG AGE
TOUGH LOVE IS AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO COMMUNICATE
HE GRADUATED SECONDARY SCHOOL WITH GOOD GRADES
(WHAT WAS HE LIKE AS A YOUNG ADULT?)
HE WAS INDEPENDENT FINANCIALLY
BY THE TIME HE WAS TWENTY-ONE
(HOW WAS HIS SOCIAL LIFE?)
HE WAS PLENTY FUN
BENJAMIN YET WILL NEVER FORGET
HIS GRANDFATHER TEACHING HIM HOW TO
REALLY HOLD A CONVERSATION
WITHOUT FORCING IT AT ALL
HE LOVES THE LITTLE PIECES OF DUSTY BITS
AT THE END OF A BOX OF CEREAL
HE LOVES IT WHEN HE'S PICKING UP
A PACKET OF BREAD IN TESCO
AND THE GUY JUST STACKED A FRESH ONE
HE WANTS A SON AND TO POST
DEEP QUOTES ONLINE
ENLIGHTENING LOVED ONES
HE GOES TO WORK EACH DAY
BENJAMIN YET WILL NEVER FORGET
HIS GRANDFATHER TEACHING HIM HOW TO
REALLY HOLD A CONVERSATION
WITHOUT FORCING IT AT ALL
HE LOVES THE LITTLE PIECES OF DUSTY BITS
AT THE END OF A BOX OF CEREAL
HE LOVES IT WHEN HE'S PICKING UP
A PACKET OF BREAD IN TESCO
AND THE GUY JUST STACKED A FRESH ONE
HE HAS A SON AND ALWAYS HUGS HIM AND SAYS
"I FUCKIN' LOVE YOU"
HE GOES TO WORK EACH DAY
HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO WORK TODAY
HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO WORK TO-
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7. |
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THE VOTES WERE MULTIPLYING
PILING ON TOP OF US
BALLOT BOXES WERE BOTTOMLESS
KENTO'S CALMLY ON TOP OF THIS
A JAPANESE MAN WAS THE PRESIDENT OF IRELAND
KENTO KNOWS
DID YOU KNOW
THAT THE SEVENTH EVER PRESIDENT OF IRELAND
WAS A JAPANESE MAN?
NO, THE HOSTORY BOOKS HAD NOT DECLINED
TO WRITE OF IT
SIMPLY FOUND IT WASN'T WORTH HIGHLIGHTING
UH, OKAY
KENTO SPENT, OH, I DON'T KNOW
A COUPLE SUMMERS IN KILARNEY
WITH HIS DAD WHO'S A WISE AULD LAD
WHO GOT A YOUNG ONE PREGNANT IN NAGASAKI
KENTO KNOWS ONLY HE KNOWS
OH YES, BUT NOBODY KNOWS KENTO
IN 1943, HE WON THE PRESIDENCY
(look it up)
KENTO KNOWS
BUT NOBODY KNOWS KENTO
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8. |
Three Crimes
02:53
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SMALL GRIFFIN DOES NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO PUBLISH THESE LYRICS.
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9. |
His Own Chat Show
03:18
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10. |
Doko Oki
02:16
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We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special campaign announcement
From your Presidential Candidate: Doko Oki
Doko Oki's never gonna tell you what to do or say
You autonomous fuck
Do you wish he was your father?
Doko Oki is a man, a son, a brother, husband
Hugs his wife every night and says "I love you"
Doko Oki's kissing all your babies on the head all day
He cannot die
And never pays his taxes
Doko Oki does not say "what"
Does not say "how"
Doko says why without him we'd surely die
You've got to vote for Doko Oki
He shakes your hand
With both his hands
He makes you wait
Doko Oki's never gonna tell you what to do or say
You autonomous fuck
Do you wish he was your father?
Doko Oki is a man, a son, a brother, husband
Hugs his wife every night and says "I love you, baby"
Doko Oki's kissing all your babies on the head all day
He cannot die
But always pays his taxes
Doko Oki does not say "what"
Does not say "how"
Doko says why without him we'd surely die
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11. |
File Not Found
00:42
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12. |
Insomniac
04:23
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I'm an insomniac
And you're asleep in five minutes flat
While your idle mind unwinds
I'm searching mine for something good to dream about
I wondered if the morning would come
Or maybe I could lie here a lifetime with eyes closed
Going through the past ten years or so
Thinking things I should have said
Get up in the morning and run
But what I've got to do will surely come for me
I try and hide in a daydream
Thinking away
As a wide-eyed wanderer
I lose so much sleep I'm in debt to the dreamworld
Earth drifts away while I ponder in circles
Circumnavigating worlds of thought with no map
Doubtful NASA's ever gonna ask me back
I thought about the wind
I thought about the sand
I thought about the salt in the sea
I thought about home
I thought about a friend
I thought about you and me
I thought about time
I thought about life
I thought about the end of mine
I thought about nothing
I thought about something
Now I can't remember
I lie in silence with eyes closed
Brain wide awake
Awaiting our waning moon
To surely soon lose its place
To make way for sunbeams
Morning sun, rise me with you
I've got work in just another two hours time
So give me vitamin D in order to force me
To refrain from fucking beating the snot
From my employer as I'm storming past the door of his office
Please give me the strength
To stop this process of thought
At six o'clock in the morning
Every other fucking day
I'd kill a man out of boredom
'Cause I'm so sleep deprivated
I don't know what I'm muttering
Think I was thinking about something or another
But I suppose it's not important anymore
I was thinking about wind, sand, salt in the sea
Home, a friend, you and me
I thought about time
I thought about life
I thought about the end of mine
I thought about nothing
I thought about something
Now I can't remember
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